Denmark's Letters to the World
by Dat Axe
Summary: Inspired by countless other 'Letters to the World' series.
1. A Proposition for You

Okay, so, Norge said he didn't want me to be on the computer 'cause last time I was _I_ apparently gave it some virus, and then he told me how it was _my_ fault how _his_ precious computer was all fucked up. How was I supposed to know looking at porn did that to you?

Anyway, let's get this over with quick then!

The name's Denmark, in case ya didn't already figure it out for yourself! I've seen some other things lately where some random people were writin' to other countries, and I thought, Why not grace them with the pleasure of writing to the best nation ever?

So here we are! I have nothing better to do with my life, honestly, so write some shit to me! And make it interesting!

- Denmark


	2. In Response to Angel

( As written by cross-over-lover232: )

dear denmark,

my name is angel, its a pleasure to write to you.i was wondering what sort of fruits do you like?i like blueberries and pomagrantes best.i dont quite like apples, they dont have much taste to me, same with lettice.i do like green beans and about you?

i also like most cheeses and meats, but i like chicken and turkey best.i also like sharp chedder and havratie cheese.i dont like musterd but i do like mayo for samwhichs. i used to think lobster and crab where bug type things and i wouldnt eat them at all until one day my mother gave me a bit of crabmeat with out the shell and i adored it, so ever since then i order it whenever i you have any foods that you thought you wouldnt like until you tried them?

i like music whith a fast beat when i clean my room, but i like slow ones when i read right now katey perrys "fireworks" is playing on the radio and it makes me think of .what music do you like?

also, what is your national dish? i dont think america has one but i know there are state dishs, but i am unsure of my state food..

love.

angel

from new york new york, age nine, one month, eigh days.

does it mean when a boy says he wants to pop a girls flower?i heared a bunch of boys talking about it at my big brothers foot ball game last night.

PPS. where do babys come from in denmark?auntie slyva says you find them in beer mugs in new york, does that mean there found in differnt places all over the world?

* * *

Angel,

Hej there! You've actually brought up one of my favorite topics (besides myself, Norge, beer, and sex) - food!

Well, I'll give you my national dish first, which is the best national dish in existence. It's this awesome plate called "frickadeller", which is just pretty much the Danish version of meatballs. You can serve cabbage, potatoes, and pickled beet root with 'em!

Funny you should talk about apples. When I was a little kid I used to think they'd taste like potatoes (this was before I ever ate one, of course) and, man, do I love potatoes! So I tried one, y'see, and, well... disappointment followed.

Anyway, my favorite fruits are MANGOS. :D

Asparagus! Oh! America told me once that if you eat that stuff your piss smells afterward, so I tried it! And... and... let's just say disappointment occurs a lot in my life, 'cause I didn't smell anything different! I was bummed about it, and then Norge told me I don't carry a certain gene or something to smell it and "why are you so eager to smell your own piss, you incoherent imbecile?" I think he's just mad 'cause he probably doesn't carry the gene, either!

Oh, since you switched to the topic of sandwiches now, I should shamelessly entice you into trying some of my cuisine! In my country, there's this thing called smørrebrød, which is a giant, open-faced sandwich, and you can put pretty much anything on it! Ya gotta try it sometime!

I eat seafood a lot, too, since I'm by the water and shit. I like lobster and crab as well!

Back when me and Sve were good buddies, I'd go to his place to grab something to eat a lot. Then I noticed a lot of the crap they served over there looked disgusting... but a lot of it actually tastes pretty good!

Music with a fast beat suits me too. Actually, I listen to a lot of America's shit (see, friendship goes hand-in-hand; he tells me my piss will smell after eating asparagus, and I repay him by listening to his music). The number two spot on my charts right now is his - Only Girl (in the World), by Rihanna.

"Pop a girl's flower"... ? Man, when I was a kid it was called "popping a girl's cherry". Uh, well... you said you were nine, right? ... I dunno if Norge would approve of me corrupting any more kids.

Babies come from beer mugs where you come from? How sick is that! In my country, babies come from, y'know... the stork! Ja!

So, there's your response! Sorry for makin' it so long; I tend to ramble a lot.

-Denmark


	3. In Response to Russia

( As written by makeshift-rolley: )

привет Denmark,

It's Russia. Maybe I should start calling you Danya again, for old time's sake, da? As for your lack of common sense Danya, most porn sites carry viruses. Norway's virus protector would tell you in big red letters. The viruses must be though because they were able to destroy a computer quickly.

I'm sure Norway would find a chance to forgive you unless you want me to come there and arrange negotiations. I could also help with fixing the computer. I've done it once with Estonia's broken computer.

Become one-oh wait, you've already become one with Russia! Less work for me this time

~Ivan Braginski, Russia

* * *

Russia,

Wassup Rusland?

Ja, I know a lotta porn sites carry viruses. But I usually get my porn offa that kid Estonia's site, but recently I couldn't find it! Then that Lithuania kid said there was some pretty popular shit of you on there (which there was) that you weren't aware of so Estonia had to shut down the website. Which fucking sucks! Can you tell him to mail me some instead? I think I'm gonna go into withdrawal.

Nah, nah, man! It's all good! Norge eventually comes around! Thanks for the offer, though! … But it wouldn't hurt if you could help with the computer problem. ;n;

… Which gives me an idea. Could ya just bring the porn with ya? It'd take a whole lot less longer that way. And we can always, y'know, use it for some bro time while you're here.

-Denmark


End file.
